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Sooooooo.. [14 Sep 2010|03:44pm]
[ mood | busy ]

This one time..

Anyhow, I just finished feeding the baby and putting her down to sleep. No pics on LJ I'm afraid, but I'll have some up on my facebook, and Corryns already tagged a ton for me, so you can check those out now.

The army life is going pretty well, looks like we will know by Dec if we're going over to Afgahn or not. But by our new training layout I think its a given unless something comes up. Not to mention everyone is talking about it ha. But it is what it is, and I did sign up knowing this would happen.. I just didn't think I'd have a little daughter in my life.

Finally found a job out in fountain valley, not bad I guess, 15 bucks an hour for tech support. I'll be taking phone calls about electronic cash registers... But they look the same as the ones we used at ConRev, so they can't be that crazy.. But who knows ha.

Anyhow, I hear little fuss-butt waking up, guess shes still hungry.

pull the trigger

Is anyone out there? [13 Mar 2010|06:42am]
Long time no update...

Not sure anyone reads this, but I was having a fun night of not sleeping due to chicken nuggets(long story).

So things are interesting, military is going pretty well, though we do have talks of a deployment.

Things with Corryn are going well, and thats always a plus. Doctors visit coming up, so hopefully we'll know what it is.



Well thats it for now kids.
3 shots fired|pull the trigger

[18 May 2009|06:59pm]
And this one time, I updated. Hahah

So things have been going well, my unit is amazing. My sergeants are pretty cool, and were pretty small in size.

Other than that I've just been hanging out and playing WoW and DoD. Which reminds me, my server is down, so I think I'll start a character on Kilrogg and Bug Hilda if she still plays hahah.

Right now I'm just up in Sacramento, visiting Adrianne for a few weeks. Its pretty hot up here but all in all not bad.

Anyhow, Im outtie, give me a ring if ya need to get ahold of me. Or catch me here.
3 shots fired|pull the trigger

Heyo... [17 Apr 2009|10:49pm]
Its short and simple. Tomorrow I have my battle handover, so I get officially turned over to my unit. other than that nothing to big or new happening lately just been hanging out and playing DoD and WoW... Ha. Hanging out with some friends and the general searching of the internet for jobs.

Hows everyone else?

More to come about the battle handover tomorrow.
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So close... [23 Mar 2009|07:07pm]
So lovies heres a update for ya.

I just got back from Capstone on friday. Capstone is a six day long field exercise out on the FOB. So we sit around in our Kevlar and our IBA with our M-16s and run to bunkers when we get indirect fire haha. Other than that we zeroed, did reflexive fire, supressive fire, MOUNT training and such.. bathed with baby wipes for six days, and either froze or boiled... All in all, it was the worst fun i've ever had haha.

Though now this week I get to out process with my graduation on the 25th. Thursday I sign out from the company and should be on a plane home either that day or before Sat if not sat itself! Yes, yes, you read right.. I will be home this week for good! ... and the peasants rejoiced. So I can't wait, now I just need to see how much it is to check a bag at the airport, debating if I want to check a bag of extra crap or UPS it home.. not sure, but i'll google it later.

So I'm excited, so we all must hang out, catch up, eat a bagel.. I don't really care what, its just been to long since i haven't had to wear funny pajamas all day hah. Anyhow, i'm off to pack up a few things and relax, i'll talk to you all soon.
pull the trigger

your left, left, left right left... [20 Feb 2009|12:00pm]
So just another quickie till this weekend and I have some time to sit down and nerd out on my laptop.

This week was alright, besides the four day being eaten because the sergeants here suck.. but meh. Wasn't feeling to good, but now I'm bouncing back. Arms are sore as hell though, need to keep lifting more, I never got this sore before.

Anyhow, tested outta CPN. Another easy 100 percent... still top of my class, and still wondering if I'm going to learn anything useful here.. so far it seems like its just introducing the subjects to you and never going past that.

Seems I was summoned for jury duty, so I need to get that taken care of and get my other W2s sent here so I can finish up my taxes.

Other than that just hanging out and going through the motions of the normal day, Pt, warrior ethos training, free time school repeat.. ha

Corryn moved back down to Cali, seems things aren't going to well for her but hopefully they pick up soon. Amber keeps randomly popping back up, but that's cool I suppose. Shes doing alright. Still havn't heard much from other people. Andy calls every now and then. Haven't heard much from Kat, so I think I'll start bugging her again :P. Andrew calls every now and again, and of course my mom. Other than that alls quiet except for the rad letters I get from Jessie, so thats all good.

Been playing WoW alot more, thinking about branching out and playing on other servers, so I might stop by and bug you Hilda! haha :P We'll see though, maybe once I get some more free time. So only about 3-4 more weeks here, I should be out by the 28th of march if not sooner! I can't wait, I wanna be home already..

Anyhow Kiddies, I need to be running off again. Talk to you soon hopefully
1 shot fired|pull the trigger

5+ [08 Feb 2009|11:29pm]
So long time no update..

I passed my pt test, awesome. Not sure if I mentioned that before.. and running two miles in under sixteen minutes around a quarter mile track is harder than a straight mile track.. not sure why, but it is. hahah

So I phased up to 5 plus, which is rad, civies, civy bed linen and no bed check on weekends, so party hardy!

Went to wild wings last night, had a few shots a few beers and hung out with the guys and gals from the company. Wasn't bad, it was nice to unwind finally, and not have formations every 3-4 hours!

Other than that, moved out of my twelve man room into a six man. its nice, huge wall locker and the guys in here are pretty mellow. I can finally fit everything in said wall locker, and i'm on a bottom bunk again
so thats cool.

Four day weekend coming up, think I might come home for it... depends on ticket prices. Though I'm almost out of here, about five more weeks and I'll be back home! I can't wait honestly, it's going to be amazing. I'll be back for good too as far as I know. But only time will tell..

Other than that, need to hit the gym. I havn't been eating too great the past few weeks and its starting to show. So it's back to salads and sandwiches for me for a bit haha.

Well I'm off, need to check some stuff and play a bit of WoW maybe before bed.
3 shots fired|pull the trigger

Laptops that are future-proofed rock [29 Jan 2009|11:07pm]
So my new laptop kicks ass. Graphically theres nothing on the market that demands what it can output, so I get to enjoy fall out 3 and crysis on full graphic settings and enjoy. Awesome. Plus getting a bunch of free games to play on it.. also awesome.

Nearly finishing up the software block and moving onto digital at the school house.. Bonus and amazing.

Hopefully phasing up and going out for a drink.. or dozen for the first time in ages with my battle buddies out here.. plus. But we'll see what the cards hold on that one. Might just install and play WoW, everyone else here plays it.. or just numb my brain with some fallout 3.. or sleep... god I miss sleep..

Anyhow, were killing time after a test till about 11:30 then its off to either midnight chow or bed.. havn't decided..
pull the trigger

Soo... [22 Jan 2009|10:35pm]
I know this journal has collected a bit of dust, but I dropped my laptop which landed on my wireless card. So both joined the junk pile together. Just recently got my internet card through my insurance, so just waiting to get a new laptop and i'll be back in buisness.

So just a quickie this time lovers:

Lifes not too bad these weeks, at least the three weeks of hell is done.

Just got 100 on my solaris test.. I'm still top of the class and my sergeant put me in for an AAM (army acheivement medal) Due to the fact I practically teach the classes these days because our teacher is a moron.

Things are alright at home, and I'm able to help out a few friends in a bind.. lets hope lending out money doesn't bite me in the ass.. ha

Alright I must be off, still at school and we start our detail in a few.

Talk again soon
2 shots fired|pull the trigger

Sooo [05 Jan 2009|12:07am]
[ mood | cynical ]

I'm back in Georgia.. Its lame and already I've fallen prey to the same ol' same ol'. I give it two weeks before it sucks the life and energy out of me again, but thats fine. Just need to phase up this friday and I'll be able to take back the weekends to regain my soul hah.

So I wasn't able to see everyone when I was down there, Kat, Jen and a few others. :(
Though thats alright, I understand the world doesn't stop just because I'm back in town, though in ten weeks when I finish class I best see all of you first! :P

Other than that just the usual, crazy new years. Went to together as one, Eddie blacked out and drove himself home.. leaving Andy and myself stranded.. so a crazy foggy taxi ride home later and we were at Dennys.

Other than that the night was filled with bass that rattled your eyeballs and an ill timed phone call to Corryn it seems.. But hopefully thats all good now.. only time will tell.

It's strange being out here.. its like my life is on pause but the pieces keep moving beyond my control.. It is a little disheartening, but Most of the damage was done in basic I suppose, now its just watching those pieces move on their own and wishing I could help more than I'm able from here. But time enough for that when I do get home I suppose.

So hanging out with friends and family was the boost I really needed, not to mention the extra sleep! hah
Christmas was pretty good, and it was nice to be able to have a chat with my mom again.

Though its back to the grind here, and I should be getting some much needed sleep, so off I go.

How's everyone else been?

2 shots fired|pull the trigger

Smoking and joking.. [15 Nov 2008|09:52am]
Ah, its time for another long overdue update before I have to run off for Formation.

So far i've gotten two 100 percents on my classes and one 96 percent. Sweetness, I've got the highest grade in the class and am on track to be distinguished Honor grad.

I take the EOC (end of cycle) PT test on monday from what I hear. So once I pass that then I can phase up on Friday. So thats cool, I can finally go off base and have no more weekend formations. Not to mention I get my civys back, which I need to buy new jeans, mine no longer fit me within a long shot haha.

For the most part life here goes by fast, though I do feel homesick. Too many people I miss and too many things I'm restricted from doing. I can't even have a beer till I'm phae 5+, so I have to wait another 8 weeks after friday to do that. Lame.

Classes seem pretty simple so far, nothing to hard to wrap your head around. A+ and N+ were easy, TCP/IP wasn't as hard as everyone made it out to be.. hell I taught half the people in class how to do it mainly because our teacher is a book reader and no help unless you want to end up lost.

December 17th and like 11AM I touch down at Long beach international airport. Swanky, I'll be home till January 3rd. So get ready to rock out people, because I've got about 6 months of steam built up I need to burn off.

For the most part our sergeants are cool, they don't bother you too much unless your a shitbag. So no real worries there.

Other than that, the wisdom teeth, or lack there of, are doing alright. A little pain from one of them where one of my stitches cut into the gum, but thats fading finally.

alright, I've got formation for a hot minute, then off to do laundry.
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AIT [19 Oct 2008|04:49pm]
Is pretty rad so far, monday starts my processing and all that lovely stuff. So hopefully I don't turn into one of these I want to kill myself after three weeks guys, but I have the internet again, and a new laptop, got a new phone number and so far things are alright. Amber randomly started talking to me again, so its random.. I really hope shes not trying to fuck with my head again. Though I think being away from everything in basic has cleared my head enough and my connection to her so I'll be fine.. but still every now and then a weak twinge when I hear this or that..

On to other news, I WILL BE HOME! for Exidos in december, 17th or 18th till Jan 3rd I believe. So i've got a fair amount of time and I would love everyone who's missed me to drop me a line and let me know so I Can come hang out with you all.

New cell :706-664-4698

Feel free to text/call as you please.

Anyhow, I'm off to relax and square away my wall locker.
2 shots fired|pull the trigger

[14 Oct 2008|05:37pm]

Two days and I'm out to AIT


So If anyone reads this, stay tuned for my new cell number, have to change my area code when I get out there.

Anyhow, i'm off people.
pull the trigger

I'm Off. [22 Jul 2008|10:30am]
So today I leave for the hotel, tomorrow its MEPS, then its off to BCT (Basic Combat Training). If all goes well of course, which I can't see why it wouldn't.

Not much to say, just thought I'd let everyone know I'm still alive.

562 861 7835

Thats my home phone number, If you'd like to write, call in like 2-3 weeks. My mom should have my mailing address at Fort Sill by then, and she'll gladly give it to you. Anyhow, see you all around X-mas most likely, or in 32 weeks and 4 days when I'm back, give or take a couple weeks for processing.

Good luck everyone
pull the trigger

[15 Jun 2008|11:14pm]
So this weekend was an alright weekend. Nothing to crazy to report. Hung out in fullerton with Kenny and Tina and a few other people. Had some fun, a few drinks, went home.

Hung out with Mari after that, played guitar hero till 3 in the morning. So that was pretty rad, havn't seen that chick in ages, but she seems to be doing alright.

After that went out to the good ol' Costa Mesa to hang out with Matt and Bob. Went to some party/kick back thing.. Pretty boring for the most part, mainly because I Didn't know anyone, and I couldn't really drink as I was driving later..Though it was nice to hang out with a couple of old friends I hadn't seen in awhile.

Today was alright, went up and played some pool at the local pool hall with Andy. Had a beer, played a couple games, the normal.

Was going through my inbox, which is something like 152 pages. I was looking for a friend who isn't on my friends list anymore, though I think they deleted.. not sure. Anyhow, It just so happened that it goes back to near the start of Amber and I's relationship. It was somewhat strange seeing how much we talked, and glancing through a few of the more interesting titles, how energetic it was. Made me think how much she changed through the relationship.

We talk a little now, only on texts. Shes doing pretty well, which is good to hear. Got a bit more clarification on why we broke up. I knew all along, mainly because I'm leaving. Its a big deal to have your boyfriend out of state for 6 months, and out of touch except through letters for 3 of those 6. So understandable.. Though the way she talks makes me feel as though she wants to have space for now, but when I get back see what happens between us.. Which makes me feel a bit uneasy. I love the girl, I always will, and I still get little twangs of pain when I think about her sometimes. Which is normal I believe, being with someone for so long then having it end. Even if your still friends still hurts. Though I digress, I don't really want to let the girl have her cake and eat it too so to speak, but I'm not to sure what to do in this situation. Just ignore it and let what happens, happen would most likely be best. I wont be dating much when I'm gone.. hah, and to let this seed sprout in my brain could just be picking old wounds when I get back. She could have a boyfriend, or no interest outside of friendship. So heres to letting that happen.

Though on the subject of when I get back, though I can't say for sure.. I Think its going to be an interesting time. I'll be in shape, ready to test out the second I'm off the plain for My CCNA (Cisco certified network administrator) certification. Get into a job with a starting pay of anywhere from 16.50-25.00 bucks an hour. Plan on getting a Newer car, not new, just newer to me. Getting said job, and saving up for a few months to get my own place. Credit pending, though I Think if I offer three months up front, credit won't really hinder me.

Anyhow, back to work I go tomorrow. Then working out again. Seems to be the story of my life anymore. Work and work out, occasionally hang out with someone or go to Andrew's. Meh.. I need to have more fun before I go, and mingle a bit.. I think that would help, I'm not in the mood for something serious, but whats to stop me from making some friends and having fun eh?

Oh.. By the By.. I made a Facebook.. I know GasP.. But I did.. mainly I just sit and play the superheros mod thing.. but yeah..
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"The easiest way to lose something, [11 Jun 2008|07:26am]
[ mood | calm ]

Is to want it too much"

I heard that on Scrubs last night, it made me chuckle. Mainly because its true for most things. Then again, nearly anything can be proven true most of the time.

I feel better, tons better. I won't be running off to a singles gatherings anytime soon, but I don't seem to have that swirl of emotions that mimic what I would assume having a period is like. I think its in part due to a few people, Kat, Jenn, Jen, Randy and Andrew(No, not Andy, different Andrew). I found out yesterday from talking to one of Amber's friends (I was strictly trying to get her brothers Xbox live account name, not digging thank you) that she already likes another boy and wants to date him. Now yesterday I felt alright, and that somewhat killed it. Though I can thank Kat, Jenn and Andrew for bringing me back around. Jen was nice enough to share a comment with me, a little something to think over, which helps as well. I feel lucky to have friends of well, 6 years or more from that bunch. Who even though sometimes I don't call or write as much as perhaps I should.. Still Talk, still there when you need them. Its refreshing to know at least friendship, good ones, I still have.

Yesterday was interesting. Had myself a rant on love, mainly to Kat's annoyance or entertainment.. Not sure which, perhaps a mixture of both. I can't say for certain it was one of my more entertaining ones.. But who knows? The shadow.. thats who.. hah

It's overcast today. I like the weather, wish it would rain honestly. I hope it rains at some point when I'm in Georgia. Even if I have to run in it and do push ups in the mud. Which honestly might be fun, I don't think I've done anything like that since I was a kid.

I know this post seems to bounce around a bit, and is somewhat lack luster in detail.. I just feel too calm at the moment to go on writing about emotions that haunted me yesterday or the like. I just miss my friends, I want to go and hang out, be silly, have a good time. I want to go have a beer, maybe play some pool. I also want a good nights sleep. Though that's mainly do to the fact I can't shut my brain off anymore. Old problem.. that Ironically only comes about when there is a problem heh.

So I got an extension for traffic school, need to finish that. Also need to take care of my most recent ticket.. All those years, not one, and then I get two. One for failure to stop at a stop sign, and the other in a sherrifs ticket trap.

I passed a school bus with red lights flashing. Now, I didn't think I needed to stop, merely slow. Why? Well due to the fact that it was on a main, and busy street. And because it wasn't at a corner.
Well yes, I was wrong, but it doesn't change the fact that it was a trap. I was the last of four cars to be pulled over for passing it. There was a sherrif parked up the street from the bus, who WALKED into the middle of the street to stop us, while a motorcycle officer pulled up behind us and pulled us all over.

Well live and learn, the problem with that though is, that the "bail" amount on the notice I got is like $514. I checked online, first offense for this ticket should be $150. I'm debating going to court over it, or just paying it next week.

Well, I'm at work. Didn't get to sleep till late last night. My eyes burn and I want a nap.. or to not be here. I think being here contributes more to my being tired. Though that can be said about anyplace.

Well, I'm off to go sit on myspace, browse newgrounds, and wait for 1pm to roll around.

pull the trigger

And we're back.. [10 Jun 2008|07:36am]
Or so it seems.

I feel much better, I think mainly because I got to the truth(granted it wasn't very hard for once) as to why we broke up.

She wasn't feeling the chemistry anymore, and even though once I met her mom we would be able to go out and do things as a couple, and regain that lost chemistry.. She says she's going to be very busy, and won't have time for that. So its not fair to me..

Which makes sense.. but meh..

Honestly, it just seems like the easy way out to me.. which is sad, seeing as I'd give that girl anything she wants. So heres to half truths when breaking up, never knowing exactly why, moving on.

Work sucks.. Amazingly so. But its almost over I suppose.. well not really, I just go here.

Other than that, nothing new to report really. I'll still be friends with the girl, shes a good person, just childish.. and I've known that for awhile.

anyhow, I'm off before I get caught and yelled at.
2 shots fired|pull the trigger

So.. [09 Jun 2008|12:20am]
Its midnight.. I can't sleep..

I feel torn.. stuck between my normal self and this dark pit..

I thought I was alright.. I saw it coming, but like a deer in headlights.. it doesn't matter if you see and know what happens in the end.. it still happens.

I'm not sure how to feel, I'm jumbled.. She makes it feel like its nothing.. Letting me know she finished her report, "6 pages of lovely".. while I distract my brain with digital people and bullets.. Shooting my way into a mindless stupor, with my fingers on auto pilot.

Its been awhile since I've been here... and perhaps, never this far in.

18 months is quite awhile, at least to me..

I wonder how bad today would be if we had spent more time together, rather than this no so long distance relationship we carried on.. as if we had to.

Tomorrow should be interesting..

Tonight is.. We didn't talk all week.. and yet now, its strange trying to sleep not hearing her voice.. perhaps its because I know it most likely I will never hear it utter that it loves me.. at least not in the way it once did..

Its a strange feeling.. releasing anger, things I would never say, because they were just small problems, things I would deal with for her today.. then numbness.. now this strange feeling that spreads from my bottom jaw to the back of my throat..

We'll still be friends.. we didn't end on a bad note.. except that it ended before it truely started.. and when we first talked about this on last sunday.. we both agreed we would give it a chance and take it from there.. there being when I left..

Hopefully she'll do alright.. have her fun.. Be happy..

I know I will, and perhaps tonight is really all I need. I've had a week or so truely.. I saw it coming and made due, started to cut the strings that bound her to my heart.. and perhaps its this final one..this mental good bye.. that hurts the worst..

Laying in bed, knowing that all those little dreams, thoughts, hopes.. things I wanted to do, to share with her are now gone.. piece by piece falling away and being replaced with hopes of friendship and happiness for the both of us as we move on..

Its strange really..

I search, and search.. I find one.. I let them in.. and it ends the same.. Each time I dig it a little deeper.. knowing somewhere in the back of my head, just barely audible over my heart that it won't last..

I suppose everyone does it.

In writing this I feel better..

Time will tell what happens..

I know things about myself I didn't before..

I know some things about my heart and emotions I didn't before...

I will be able to leave and not have to worry about her.. what its doing to her.. being away so long.. What could be going on.. which is good..

It hurts.. but it heals.. as all wounds do.. all things lost..

Next weekend will most likely pick the scab..

I need to give her back her book.. her my pendant, one of the few things left from my father.. and the ring of course.. A final symbol that its over I suppose..

I played it cool.. mainly numbed and distracted.. I doubt she knows how bad it hurts at times... and perhaps she did the same..

At least its off my chest now.. And I can focus on what I learned.. the Good I saw, the fun we had..

Things will be better tomorrow..

A bit of that energy is returning.. from earlier..

I just hope she knows for better or worse.. shes a part of me.. joining a the ranks of a selected few who when I talk, or see, or merely think about give phantom tugs to those cut strings.. I'll always care and love the girl.. I'll be there, as a friend.. As best I can at times.. and I'll admit.. as I found out today.. Sometimes that friendship can be lacking..

But for her, for them.. all of them. If I was truely needed.. I would be there..

Well, I feel better.. changed.. but better..

Perhaps sleep will be possible..

tomorrow is a new day
4 shots fired|pull the trigger

18 months down the drain.. [08 Jun 2008|05:46pm]
Somewhere from the very start of this relationship, when we were together when I lived in fullerton.. I knew it wouldn't last...

So why did I keep up with it, and give my all?

No idea.

Anyhow, we broke up today, for whatever her reasons are.

Kinda sucks, but I'm over it. I saw it coming awhile ago, and so now it feels kinda nice to be free.

Just sucks how many missed chances I had with other people because I choose to stick with this relationship..


So how has everyone else been?
pull the trigger

[16 Apr 2008|10:06pm]

Long time no update.

Put in my two weeks at ConRev, this is my last week.

Paid off all my debt, so i'm debt free and none the richer for it hahah.

Went to disney land with Amber and her friends, had a fun time, everything is going well now. Just not too sure of what will happen when I have to leave... but time will tell and what happens will happen, I don't really have alot of control over it.

Speaking of which, may 28th is my ship date unless it gets pushed back when I reno my contract next week, so well see.

Anyhow, back to playing chess and mudding, because its what I do, and I'm cool with that.
pull the trigger

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